How to Deal With Loneliness
Now I want to make something abundantly clear. When I start talking about how to deal with loneliness I’m not talking about how to distract yourself by watching TV or how to not feel bad about it, I’m actually going to talk about getting rid of feeling lonely and getting rid of loneliness all together. If you don’t like that you feel lonely this is good. This is something we can work on.
Because I’m talking about how to build up your social circle from scratch.
How you can overcome shyness, have the social life you want and how it’s really not that hard to do.
For those who are not frequent readers why should you listen to me or even continue reading?
I spent a long time feeling very lonely. Barely leaving the house and having little to no friends. Watching others live their lives while mine passed me by, with nothing but the feeling of disappointment, and even shame sometimes.
I wasn’t living. I was surviving.
And people tend to think that’s just how it goes. Some people are social and others are just shy and stuck like that. But I wasn’t happy. I didn’t enjoy being lonely. And I wasn’t staying in that situation, if there was a way out i’d take it without blinking an eye.
A little while later I’ve changed my life. I have several social circles and meet new people all the time. I can pick up my phone and find myself somewhere to be at the drop of a hat. How? because that’s what I want it, so I worked on changing what I didn’t like.
And I say this not to brag.
But to show a point. I barely left the house for years. And if I can do this anyone can. I now run several websites on shyness and I’ve helped and coached a lot of other people to overcome their shyness and I’ve seen the difference it can make.
This article is going to look at feeling lonely specifically but if you want an all encompassing guide on turning your life around like I did then I suggest taking a look at this instead by clicking here.
Well, there are a few things I’ll want you to remember as we go through this. But first things first. Everyone feels lonely from time to time. It’s easy to look around and see people around you doing things (especially with networks like Facebook) but that’s a numbers game. On a different night those people are going to be at home and seeing other people out having fun. So I hope that this article can help you in how to deal with loneliness an isolation.
Overcoming Loneliness by Meeting People
Now as I’ve said before this article is going to be based more for the people who are feeling comfortable putting themselves into social situations. If you’re just getting started in overcoming your shyness then you might want to back up a bit. Pushing yourself too soon can actually end up setting you back by reinforcing your shyness which can become a pretty bad spiral.
Now, I looked at something similar before on a post about making friends and talking to people and a lot of the ideas are the same. Get out and meet people.
I know it seems a little simple “Feel lonely? Go and meet people!” and we’ll be looking at a little more detail in a moment but that’s basically what it boils down to. And this can be a scary thought for some people. If meeting people was easy then why would you be feeling lonely in the first place, right?
Meeting people can be daunting. But I’d like to tell you something which really helped me when I was learning to overcome loneliness.
The Rule of 1 in 5
I can’t actually remember where I heard this little rule but it alone could well have changed my life and I base a lot of concepts around the same basic principle.
And not everyone is going to like you. In fact a bunch of them won’t give you the time of day for no reason at all. A bunch of others will be pretty apathetic towards you no matter what you do really but then there’s the people you just “click” with.
Have you ever had that? You meet someone and you just think “we get each other”. If you haven’t yet, don’t worry you soon will.
It doesn’t really get much more basic than that.
And while you’re working your way through the people who don’t like you, or just don’t care, looking for those diamonds in the rough you’ll be getting some great social immersion which builds in the social skills for the long run.
Making it Easier
Now just getting out there and meeting as many people as you can is maybe easier said than done (but it’s also easier than you probably think). But compared to some of the alternatives it is a bit like throwing yourself in the deep end. Especially if you’re not naturally one for talking to strangers.
So there are some things you can do to make it easier on yourself.
Begin by making friends online or over the phone. Not as intrusive, can be done from the comfort of your own home and it’s a good way to build up. Just don’t get caught in the trap of thinking this counts. Internet/phone friends are great and I’ve known some people a long time that way – but don’t limit yourself solely to people you won’t often (or ever) meet.
You can warm yourself up by just talking to strangers without having to feel like it needs to go further. Just start talking to people around you – aim for the conversation to go for a few sentences and leave it at that. Then, as you start to feel more comfortable, slowly scale this up. The article above has some suggestions on how to turn a casual conversations into an actual friendship but there’s really no set blueprint so practice is the way to go.
One of the best things you can possibly do is meet people through a common interest. Find a hobby, sport or even an area you enjoy and just keep going. Familiar faces are easily turned to friends and you’ve always got something to talk about. Once the ice is broken you can share other interests and find your 1 in 5 there.
Doing this kind of thing is pretty easy. Plenty of people practice sports alone or you can join a class or club to play with other people. You can go to a place with a newspaper or a coffee and look like you’re just having a little ‘me time’ and take it from there.
Loneliness in the Short Term
Now there are all fairly medium to long term goals. And while it really doesn’t take that long to turn your social life around it is important that we get you out of your slump a little now.
First of all being here (and reading this far) is a good step. It shows that you want self improvement for yourself and now is the time to strike when the iron is hot. Too many people put it off or invent some reason they can’t make a change.
Change is uncomfortable. We want to avoid it. We want to stay inside our comfort zones. But if you use the motivation you have now to start making that change then the results you get there can fuel you for the rest of it. We’ve only got one life and if we’re shying away from it then we’re wasting it.