Help! I Have No Friends in College!
If you ask most people about their experience in college they won’t talk about the classes they went to and the things they learned.
(Unless maybe they’re talking to their kids and trying to convince them to go).
They’ll talk about the experiences they had.
The people they met.
The life it gave them.
Whether you’re a freshman or a senior the friends you make at college are friends for life.
That’s the advice I got from my parents on my first day at least.
But I was always the shy guy.
Yep. Someone actually said this to me once. I didn’t even know who she was. Literally just said it as they walked past me.
I guess she’d seen me sitting by myself all the time. That kind of sticks out in an environment where everyone is making friends for life.
I’d never really know how to start talking to someone. And if I did find myself in a conversation I’d never know what to say so it would descend into this awkward silence.
For the first two years at college I felt I was more of an observer than anything else.
I watched other people have these amazing experiences. I heard them tell each other about the things they’d gone and done that weekend. At the time I was pretty sure I’d never get to experience that.
Sitting alone on a Friday night I knew people would be out doing the kind of things I wanted to do. While I sat in by myself.
I think the person I probably spoke to most in that first year was the janitor.
Does any of this sound familiar?
I wish I hadn’t had to wait until I was in my third year of college to do this.
I was too wrapped up in wondering why I had to deal with it in the first place. Other people were able to make friends so easily.
Why couldn’t I?
This question burned with me for a while. My entire sophomore year I had two things going around my head:
“Why can’t I make friends in college? How the hell do they just talk to people like that?”
“Dude… you’re missing out on LIFE!”
I guess it is kinda funny the turns we make in life. Since those days I’ve helped thousands of people deal with social issues.
No matter what year of college you’re in it’s important you know something.
Everyone makes friends at different points in life.
Studies do say friendships are harder to form and maintain after college. This is why people talk about the friends they made in college being lifelong. Because that does tend to be the case.
But whether you meet someone in your first year.
Or your last.
Maybe even you’re not comfortable being with a group of friends until after college.
It doesn’t matter as long as you DO it.
You’ve taken your first step by finding your way here.
However you’ve done it.
Now it’s time to take the next.
You know that old saying:
“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink”?
I’ve been teaching people for years how to beat shyness and social issues.
At first I was always surprised when people didn’t jump at the chance to do something about it. Some of these were in college and struggling to have a social life. Others were a bit further on in life.
But so many people… too many.
They were just happy to know there was something they could do about it.
That seemed to be enough for them. So much so that they never actually did anything about it.
A long time ago I gave up trying to understand this logic.
If you’re not wanting to really do something about it today we do cover a few tips you can at least look at a bit further down the page.
The longer you leave it the harder this stuff gets.
After teaching social skills and shyness training for years one of the worst things I hear people say is “I have no friends in college” College is supposed to be a formative time in your life when you meet people you’ll know for your entire life. And for the most part it is. Oh and maybe a little bit of studying to of course. But the other side of that is the hell it can be if you don’t have any friends in college and you’re forced to watch other people around you, enjoy themselves and have the life experiences that you feel you’re missing out on. Luckily, it’s actually easier to sort than you might think.
Whether you’re shy or just having a hard time meeting people it’s easier than you think to build a complete social life from scratch in just a few days. We’re going to look at how to make friends in college in this guide. If it’s shyness and social skills in general you have a problem with I’d suggest you read the following and use our complete training. Take it from me, I spent too much time alone in a little space of my own as a college undergraduate student thinking, I have no friends… where do I make friends.
Please note this is going to be a guide for people who have overcome their shyness and don’t have an issue meeting and talking to new people.
If you find yourself worried about meeting people or constantly stuck for something to say then don’t worry! It’s still very easy to meet people at college and you can have your own social circle going within the next 2-3 weeks but first you really might want to look at our shyness course.
The sooner you start working on it the easier it’ll be. College really is a formative time and it’s a lot easier to deal with it now than it will be afterwards. If you can say I have no friends in college now – think what it might be like when you don’t have everyone around you looking to make friends.
Take it from someone who originally left it until afterwards…
It’s better to learn now.
I normally don’t focus on guides for people already comfortable making friends. Most of my work is with social skills and shyness but if you can say I have no friends in college and just need some tips on meeting people and not overcoming shyness then take a look at some of the tips below.
Take it slow though, if you find yourself feeling anxious or shy don’t force yourself into uncomfortable situations. Having to say I have no friends in college is one thing being always depressed and being shy all the way through college is much, much worse. So cut the problem out at the root.
So if you’re still here I’m assuming you can say “I have no friends in college” but you feel comfortable enough with your social skills that you don’t feel the need to work on them. If you don’t have a decent social life outside of college you might want to back up and take a look at that link. It’s only there because I actually believe what comes after clicking it, works!.
Seriously, if you have a problem with shyness then forcing yourself into situations where you won’t feel comfortable is only going to make things worse.
After years of training people in building social lives from scratch and overcoming shyness there’s a specific order for this kind of thing.
Still reading? Then I’ll assume you’re comfortable with meeting strangers.
Once you’re comfortable talking and meeting people it’s really just a matter of meeting the right people. Which is really just a matter of numbers and putting yourself out there. Figuring out why do I have no friends is the first important step. If you’re able to say I have no friends in college and you don’t have friends then there’s something wrong with the amount of people you’re meeting. It can be as simple as a numbers game and meeting more people.
If you’re meeting enough people you’ll meet people you get on with. It’s not fate, it’s not destiny it’s just sheer statistics. For the same reason I find there are people you just won’t get on with you’ll find people you do. I wouldn’t start a conversation with “I have no friends in college would you be one?” but just strike up as many conversations as you can and something is bound to click eventually.
But that doesn’t mean you just stick your hands in your pockets and wait for it to happen. While this might work sometimes there’s a problem with waiting.
I Have no Friends in College When I Start College
This is a video I saw a while back from someone saying I have no friends in college. It’s a little long and we might disagree on some points but it’s worth a watch to see other people in a similar situation. He does raise an interesting point about half way through about some people not looking to make new friends.
This is the one exception really when it’s OK to say “I have no friends in college”. Don’t mope and complain about things when you’re meeting someone but most people will be in this position and eager to meet new people. Videos like this are pretty common and it’s understandable to be nervous.
Having no Friends After College – Help I Have no Friends in College
I say this part time and time again. People avoid change. It’s in our nature to stick to what we know. Change is effort, it’s scary and it’s outside of the comfort zone so we invent reasons in our heads to avoid it. But the problem is it only gets harder.
What you don’t realize now (and what I didn’t realize back then either) is that having no friends in college is easy to solve. Having no friends later in life is much harder. Everyone in college is doing new things and meeting new people and there are activities to join as well as help to give and take. Later on most people are set in their ways and set off to their own directions. I’m not saying you won’t meet people after college – of course you will. But you’ll meet a lot less and everyone will have much harder schedules so meeting up is harder.
I remember reading something similar to this back when I was in college and not believing it. It’s kind of hard to imagine compared to most college experiences but a few years later and I look back and kick myself. You can sort shyness and make yourself a social life at any point in your life but if you’re still in college and having this problem look at it as a positive – it’s easy to sort. And you should probably start working at your social skills now since you’re in a stage of your life where the opportunies are thrown at you in leaflets, parties and clubs to join in.
I’ve coached people from all ages and I can guarantee you’ll find it easier to sort now. Now if you’re able to tell the internet “I have no friends in college” then hopefully you’re ready to make a change.
How to Meet People and Make Friends in College – Help I Have no Friends in College
Start with the easy ones. People in your class, dorm or even just in the corridor. Make sure you know how to keep a conversation going and keep it casual. Don’t expect too much from every conversation you have but take every opportunity to take things further. If they seem interested in something you’re doing invite them along and say yes to invites even if the activity itself doesn’t seem your kind of thing. Remember, it’s a numbers game. You don’t need to feel like you’re going to be BFF’s but meeting people leads to meeting more people so to start with meet everyone and anyone!
There are a lot of people in the exact same situation you, maybe they’re also thinking damn I have no friends in college. I know it seems hard to believe but people are saying I have no friends in college and looking for help all the time, maybe they;ll catch your eye.
Colleges tend to run groups and it’s sometimes common to see an “I have no friends in college this year” group for each college pop up on Facebook. Joining these can be a great way to learn how to make friends at college with very little effort, and much much better than thinking you’re always depressed.
Next step is narrowing it down. Find activities and groups that you like and meeting people there will mean meeting people who you have things in common with which usually means you’ll get on with. So narrow your time spent down to ‘your kind of person’. Do the exact same as before but just put yourself in the position to meet people with similar interests. If you honestly can’t think of anything here then go wide again. Join every club you can fit into your schedule, meet people and narrow down the ones you like.
This is obviously a pretty vague guide here but the basic idea I want to convey is that even now you can say I have no friends and it is a big deal (deal with it now before it becomes a bigger issue later) but it’s easy to deal with. Play the numbers game and just meet as many people as you can. Now go and talk to someone!