“I Have No Social Life”
We’ve been running shyness training for several years now and at one point the people I was working with, wanted to start a bingo pool for the things we’d hear more often and “I have no social life” was at the top of the list. It’s the thing I hear most often and the biggest problem with shyness and social anxiety. So we decided that this is one of those things that out training program just needs to have.
Having no Social Life Sucks.
There are a few things I want you to remember.
- We only have one life. And every day you waste hiding away you’re not getting back. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
- Shyness and social anxiety cause a vicious circle. You hide from people so you have little to no social life – and you have no social life so your social skills get worse and you keep hiding from people.
- Social skills are just that – skills. They can be worked and improved on like any other skill.
Having no social life sucks. Simple as that. And sometimes other people make it look really easy. You might wonder if you’re the only one who has problems with this kind of thing. But you’re not, don’t worry, in fact I’ve looked at the statistics on shyness and bad social lives in another post a while ago – and let’s just say you’d be surprised.
The sentence ‘I have no social life’, can sometimes be followed by I have no social life outside of work for example, I have no social life because of work or simply just, I have no social life at anymore.
I have no social life outside of work
Or I have I have no social life because of work are much more common than you can imagine. Sometimes we get so carried away with our work hours, bills and money issues that we forget we’re just doing this so that at the end of the day we can be happy. It may seem different but its the same kind of circle.
Let me give you a quick example;
So Julie is a pretty much of a down right hard worker, who has recently just gotten herself into a new house that she’d already been working so hard for. So to pay the bills and at least for the first few months whilst settling in Julie needs to stabilize her finances just so she can go back after work to her lovely new place and finally be in peace. By the time Julie is finished with work she doesn’t have enough time to go meet her friends who have been asking her to meet them up for so long. So time goes by and Julie first feels helpless and continues to cancel dates with her friends, soon this worsens and Julie is too afraid to even talk to them because they’ll ask her again and she’ll say no.
During this time Julie begins to get used to just going home and being by herself, so now that she does find the time she still doesn’t say yes to friends because she doesn’t want to have to go meet them and give them the same excuses later when they ask her again. Weeks pass by and Julie now finds her self going to two places. From work to home, and back. This now saddens her, she looks at social media and can see all the latest pictures her friends post up of dinner’s nights out and even nights in, and she feels like she can never comfortably be a part of this again.
Well don’t you think she can?, Do you honestly think Julie has completely lost her chance at being able to have a social life again?
This circle needs to be broken. So where do we start?
We can’t just get you diving straight into meeting strangers. There’s a whole logic behind this which I’ve looked at before when it comes to overcoming shyness, but basically it comes down to how your brain works. If you just throw yourself into situations which scare you – your body is going to panic. The usual sweating, blushing, stammering, sucking at eye contact and however your shyness presents itself.
It’s not logical. There’s no reason for it that you can understand but it’s your brain thinking that it’s trying to protect you, and why wouldn’t it. You only feel that way because you felt unprepared in the first place.
And the funny thing is, the best way to get over it is social immersion. Slowly building up your social life around you until you look at yourself a month ago and don’t remember the strange quiet life of in your memory. But you have to do it in just the right way. You need to work on your social skills without giving your system too much of a shock.
It can be a delicate balance but it’s really not that hard.
Effects of No Social Life
It’s a pretty brutal circle, but having no social life means you don’t get much of a chance to actually work on your social skills or meet new people. People start to identify themselves as a shy person or as a person with no friends. This, in turn, means your social life suffers more and more. So it’s important to break the circle – as quickly as possible. We try to do this as soon as we can but that doesn’t mean that just because you’ve been feeling this way for a long time, it’s too late to start now. So start now.
The important thing is that the faster you get started the easier it’s going to be. It’s human nature to avoid stepping out of our comfort zones which means hiding away and telling ourselves we’ll do it later. Don’t fall into that mental trap.
Once you get started you’ll start to see results.
- Your social skills improve.
- Your confidence improves.
- You start to build your first social circle.
- You meet friends of friends and expand your circle.
- You see the change and get the motivation to keep going.
And it can snowball very quickly. In fact you could really be surprised at how quickly you can go from having no social life at all to having to juggle days to find the time. And I’m really not just saying that, it comes from my own experience and that of watching the results of the people I’ve helped.
Start Building Your Social Life
Now I’ve gone over posts before on how, where and even when to meet people. How to start conversations, keep them going and change a casual encounter into an actual friendship. But getting random bits of information and advice is one thing and sure it can help – but if you really want to see results then you could look at our social training (if you want to see for yourself take a look at the guide on how to not be shy to start with) which worked for me and it’s the one I use with everyone I work with. You may feel like it’s a mental illness, so i’m telling you here’s the way to cure it.