An Introvert In An Extroverted World in 2018

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Oftentimes, introverts feel that their disposition is something they must correct, rather than something to embrace. Let’s face it; we live in a highly extroverted world, where jobs, politics, and how quickly we make friends largely depends on how well we can communicate with others. More charismatic, extroverted people usually have more friends because of this reason, leaving introverts feeling that they must change something about themselves in order to feel accepted and welcomed in group settings. This doesn’t speak for all introverts, but rather, as an observation about society at large.

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More charismatic, extroverted people usually have more friends because of this reason, leaving introverts feeling that they must change something about themselves in order to feel accepted and welcomed in group settings. This doesnt speak for all introverts, but rather, as an observation about society at large. Introverts feel most energized alone, whereas extroverts obtain their energy from external sources. Pick up some watercolors or paint, buy a journal, get a nice camera to practice photography, or whatever will make you feel most connected to yourself. Introverts like to do things that dont require a lot of social exertion, and find solace in doing quiet activities in which they can create new worlds using their minds. However, the world wont benefit from you living inauthentically, and you certainly wont feel happy with yourself. Plus, once you fully embrace your true nature, you will meet others who will help you along your journey and love you exactly as you are.

an introvert in an extroverted world

So, How Can Introverts Survive In An Extroverted World? Here Are 5 Tips To Help You Out:

Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Wont Stop Talking

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be an extrovertyes, to be comfortable in crowds, to speak extemporaneously with easy charisma. To be the life of the party! To not only type an exclamation mark at the end of a sentence that you hope conveys enthusiasm and ultra-sincerity, but to live those exclamation marks! To live double exclamation marks!! (If the very sight of all these exclamation marks exhausts youmaybe even repels youyou are probably an introvert like me.)

Oh, but I do love extroverts. I love to listen to their stories; I am drawn by their charisma; I stand in awe at their ability to draw energy from being with other people. To live the life of action. To speak fast. To multitask. I do admire them. But I no longer feel the need to be like them. And more importantly, I no longer believe that I have a second-class personality. Part of this enlightenment is due to the wisdom of age and part of it is due to Susan Cain and her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Wont Stop Talking.

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Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a mans world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Nothing could have been more mortifying for a shy introvert. (Susan Cain says that introverts, particularly sensitive introverts, are often drawn to religion and philosophy. S. Eliot and Whitehead, both of whom were also shy as children, and so grew up to choose the life of the mind. Whitehead wrote Process and Reality at Harvard just as the Culture of Personality was picking up steam. For Whiteheads God is simply not outgoing enough. Yes, its time for introverts to unite and make our stand.

well I’m in New Zealand at the moment and behind me is Mount Ruapehu and this is like wrote okuru i hope i’m pronouncing that correctly and i thought you know there’s probably not a soul within a I don’t know a kilometer or something around me and I thought what better opportunity than now to do an introvert power video I want to talk about the culture of character versus the culture of personality this is a theme that I first read about in Susan Cain’s book quiet Susan’s chapter really sort of put words to what it was that I was feeling that I didn’t know I was feeling and that is being an introvert in an extroverted world where personality is championed over over a culture of character and the theory is that around the time of the Industrial Revolution where where families and men left the land to work in cities there was a culture shift where one needed to sell themselves in order to get work in order to sell products and things like that that’s just my own general gist on it so although it’s been a shift over a century or two in some respects it’s been a very dramatic shift from character to personality we’re really half of the population that our introverts are around about that sort of disadvantaged in a way a culture of character as a society where honesty and honor and integrity valued and prized in this in the culture or as a culture of personality is about you know selling your self having a presence you know being dynamic being outgoing while it might sound quite general and a little bit biased some of the differences that I sort of see between a culture of character versus a culture of personality is a culture of character is selling a product to someone because they would actually benefit from its use whereas a culture of personality is about finding a way to sell a product to someone whether they need it or not a culture of character is about giving everyone room to be themselves and to be able to express themselves whereas a culture of personality is about being the number one of being able to dominate that situation or get what one wants from any sort of situation regardless of of the needs of other people in some respects I think a culture of character is about assertiveness whereas a culture of personality is about aggression and I don’t mean like necessary physical aggression but it’s really about sort of putting your your physical presence out there or your even your voice out there to to be able to dominate as much of the space as possible I think one of the other things that Susan Cain’s book spoke to me about was it really gave me a voice or gave me words to describe what I was feeling on the inside I think growing up in a culture of personality where everything is geared towards that you know I think introverts that are that are you know like myself and I think most people watching when we’re born into this culture we assume it’s it’s normal so we try to fit into that culture and in doing so we sort of deny who we are so we try to push ourselves to be more extroverted you know to be more have a stronger presence and in society whether it’s school in the workplace or university and in doing so we sort of cut off from more of our true identity one of my my sense or a take that I have on the culture of character versus personality is his character is while it’s displayed externally it’s an inside job it’s it’s an inside work that has external consequences of fruit where a general sense I have with the culture of personality is that it’s more it’s more of an external job it’s about putting your your external self out there and I think one of the dangers I guess or the pitfalls of that is with a culture of personality if it’s only the personality that’s worked on and not the character then in a way the personality is driven to fulfill the characters needs whereas on the other hand if if we are in a culture of character then it more a journey of character kind of gets down more into the to the identity and to the root part of self and when that’s adjusted then the personality adjusts in a way I’m not suggesting that we can’t have a culture of personality or that a culture of personality is wrong I just think the pendulum swung way over to the other side and I guess there just needs to be a balance of both character and personality my sense would be that as we work on our character and as we develop our character our personality will then reflect that character and there’ll be a more holistic or congruent we become a more Congress self if we were to do it that way versus maybe the way out our Western culture has developed it which is more about just developing personality in order to get what one wants in the world and survive in the world so my sense is that where we’re sort of missing something and it’s about developing more of a balance so I’d be interested to hear other people’s thoughts on the culture of character versus the culture of personality if you if you’re an introvert if you find yourself living in that tension and how do you go about embracing your true self in a culture of personality I know for myself I think I would have been much more comfortable in a culture of character where those more internal virtues if you like we’re we’re prized and appreciated I just think overall I would have been more comfortable in that sort of society.

hey I’m into girl Tati coming at you I just stole Isaac oh she’s intro I’m just doing everyone’s interest these days I stole an epistle Liza’s like I am a thief anyway hey Sam it should go Tati take two and today I’m going to be talking about being an introvert now I am so interested in personality theory and the psychology behind personality and I know a lot about the myers briggs test and personalities if you have seen some of my videos on that I have said stuff but not a lot and also the AMIA graham also astrology a little bit I just love that kind of shit I eat it up and I have so many books on the myers briggs test especially because I personally feel like that’s the most reliable there are disagreements about that but anyway if you guys want to know a whole series on the myers briggs test honestly I would not be able to go through the entire thing all at once I would love to do that it’d be so awesome because it’s one of my favorite things to read about it’s kind of like a hobby of mine so I would love to talk about it to be honest today I’m just going to be talking about being an introvert so this is not exclusive to the myers briggs test we all know that there is such a thing as an introvert and extrovert an extrovert is seen as like outgoing or as seen as more of a loner and now I am an introvert definitely okay this hat is like shaving my face little and I am for sure an introvert and I think there are long misconceptions about being an introvert because we live in an extroverted world where introverts living an extroverted world and that’s not a bad thing extroverts are awesome they’re great I have a lot of friends who are extroverts I’m probably the most introverted friend that I have I guess extroverts are also I like them but people do seem to value them more than introverts because there are a lot of misconceptions Idris and someone can be an introvert and you might think they’re an extrovert this happens a lot with my mom and me because both of us can turn on an extroverted personality when we have to interact with people for a long time and we come home and we’re dead to the world I’m going to just go over a little bit about what being an introvert is like for me and some misconceptions and whatever and let me know if you want a series more on personality shit and what you would like to hear being an introvert a lot of people including myself think that you’re being lazy because you don’t enjoy going out as much because productivity and socializing and all that kind of shit usually involves leaving your home and doing things I love leaving my home I love doing things but I’m not the kind of person who can go out every night there’s one weekend this summer when I went out Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday night and was with people all day and it took me probably an entire week to recuperate from that because it was so draining now being an introvert doesn’t mean you don’t like people it just means that you don’t gain energy from being with people you actually lose some so if I am a phone battery being with people D charges me and when I’m alone that’s like when I plug in the charger and I went back up and I am not even a low key injury I’m not like an extrovert introvert I’m an introvert introvert and just because I know how to turn up and I don’t have a whole lot of social anxiety or anything like that I’m so extremely introverted I must rather spend time in my room or going places by myself then spending a lot of time with other people part of me feels like that makes me a lazy person for not wanting to go out even though I can get a shit ton of stuff done well I’m just at home like today I’ve gotten a shit ton of stuff done already if I went out and did stuff you know like we would still get something we all get to talked on motions at time I think a lot of people think introverts just go home and watch Netflix and that’s what they do when they introvert but really it just means to get energy from being by themselves and so they have different things that they enjoy that are more solitary hi they might not enjoy going to the movies with friends they might not enjoy going to a club with friends or going to concerts or something like that or going to a party but they might enjoy obviously reading could be a thing they might enjoy making videos they might enjoy cleaning or they might enjoy blogging I have no clue they could enjoy a bunch of different things but they’re things that seem more of something that you can do by yourself so for me finding friends who are okay with that silence where I do my thing and they do their thing that’s really really great but being an introvert does not automatically mean you’re lazy if you’re a lazy person that has honestly nothing to do with how your personality is built it doesn’t have anything to do with being an introvert or an extrovert at all because injuries just need time to rebound from being out with a lot of people I have friends who are so extrovert that if they are alone for more than three hours they go stir crazy they need to be with people to have energy to enjoy things to function their best and honestly I think it’s important to learn how to be alone and enjoy your own company but I think it’s also important to interact with other people for example there’s a day last week where I had a psychiatrist appointment I had to go over to somebody’s house to pick up some stuff that I left there I had to go to a meeting with my old dance teacher and then I had to go try to fix my face and then I was donating clothes and then I went back home finished cleaning my closet donated more clothes I was in and out of the house all day talking to people all day and the next day I was just like shit I just thought to be alone I just got to be in my room I can’t I didn’t even pick up Face.Time calls or respond to text and normally I will based on my friends all the time because the law and my friendships are more long distance but I just couldn’t do it I needed to be alone and do whatever I needed to do which includes finishing cleaning my room and other shit I just needed to do me for a day because I had been out so much the other day and it happens with everything sometimes I can go several days without needing my introvert time but sometimes I can only go one day and also because of the chronic illnesses and shit I’m just naturally a lot more tired than I used to be but something that introverts are really good at is working alone and that is definitely a skill obviously in life you’re going to have to work in teams that’s just an inevitable part of life there’s no getting out of it and it really sucks but you will also have to take responsibility and work alone and introverts can be really really good at that because they know how to get things done by themselves because that is how they feel the most comfortable and that is how I feel the most comfortable is when I have a project on my own and I don’t need to interact with a lot of people and organize everybody because I’m super anal retentive like that if someone tells me touch me on you need to get this done by this date part of reason why I’m in online school is because I get to do it on my own and there’s less distraction and it’s not frustrating for me as it is to go to a classroom or go to a study group or whatever so when I have projects on my own it’s great I guess I’m done really well and a lot of introverts are like that they work really really well alone which is a good skill to have and that doesn’t mean they can’t work in groups obviously they can extroverts can work well alone and introverts can work well in groups it’s not mutually exclusive but I have found that if I get to go home or go to my little space I can work for hours and have a jolly old time but if I am with a group of people for more than one hour I’m like okay I’m done like I can even think because I’m sick of being with you guys it’s all things that I think most introverts run into is the very strange comments that we get where people are like you are so shy or how can you stand being alone so much one that I get allies you can’t be an introvert you talk and it’s like introvert still talk you know it’s not like we’re silent we just sometimes don’t feel the need to talk as much as other people being an introvert is not the absence of social skills it is the absence of being recharged by social situations so when people tell me oh you seem extroverted because you seem like you’re having fun when you’re out with people yes I can totally have fun when I’m out with people but that doesn’t mean that the next day I won’t be more tired than you might be because you’re an extrovert you might be ready to go out with more people whereas I might be like okay I gotta do some work I gotta be myself for a little bit neither better or worse you know but the world tends to see extroverts as a little bit more productive because a lot of leaders CEOs famous people are extroverts because they are very very vocal and they have to interact with people every day all the time if they want their business to succeed and so a lot of leaders are extroverts which I think causes a lot of people to think that introverts are kind of living with their parents in the basement and playing Skyrim all day is not really how it works I have been described as a natural leader many many times I do have pretty good social skills and I can carry a pretty good conversation with people so a lot of people would say that they think I’m an extrovert but really I’m very introverted that might confuse some people but for the most part all my close friends know that if I don’t respond to them want to be the really really pissed or I just need to be an introvert for a little while I guess the last thing I really want to talk about is that there are very different types of introverts which is why I think personality theory is so important because not everyone is like me where you can go out and socialize for several hours maybe even several days and then come back and recuperate and then go out again you know some people need more time to recuperate or some people can only handle social interaction for a short amount of time or some people are extroverted introverts where they don’t always lose energy from being with people but it depends on the person you know so I want to get more to that if you guys want to hear it but otherwise that is all that I have to say about being an introvert in an extroverted world but talk to you guys later I love you very very much and want to see you then bye. .

support for this program is provided by the Women’s Hospital delivers comprehensive health care to women and infants through inpatient and outpatient obstetrical gynecologic and education programs the women’s hospital only at Deaconess additional support provided by curling law and Toyota Indiana you more introverted how do you think oh gosh shy I don’t know what I’m talking about sometimes it takes me a while to get to know certain people but you know if something somebody I meet we have in common it’s a little bit easier what’s her deal I don’t think people supersede me in a bad way I think people perceive me just as quiet you know and it just takes a while to get to know me but then they love me after that if I don’t know what to say to you then I’m just like I’m just gonna stand here awkwardly and just like hoping you hope that my talking companion is a little bit better conversing than I am I put a lot of effort into what I’m gonna say to someone I actually do pay attention to what it is that they’re saying and it just takes me a little bit longer because I’m more thoughtful about my response to them because I actually care about what it is that they’re saying I mean it just takes me a little bit more time a little more introspective and I think okay let’s try to understand their position so we have this focus group that’s called the wisdom Council and we get together every year and kind of focus on what we’re gonna talk about for this for the seasons so I brought this topic of introvert extrovert and kind of personality types there was just a lot of chatter and a lot of the subjects kind of just would go and die but this one is seeing people we’re really picking up steam and people are bouncing off each other and so um why do you think that is why do people why do people get excited on this topic I think because people really like to be known okay and it starts with knowing yourself and understand yourself and so I think any topic that will help you with your self awareness and shed light on okay this is who I am my identity this is the way I’ve been wired I think people feel really freed and understood by that and people naturally they want to feel validated and understood they want to understand the people around them they want our stuff hey why are you different from me and what can we do with those differences to understand each other better and work together better I was a pretty shy kid I had one best friend probably across the street growing up and then like a very small group of friends I played imaginary friends and everything a lot so I wasn’t the most outgoing child I had I think normal anxiety as a little kid it wasn’t until probably about fifth grades that I started noticing having a lot more anxiety than what I thought other kids were having around me when you met me for the first time what was that like well it was twofold anxiety because I was running late so that made it even worse like I was prepared to be like I’m gonna be at Starbucks like 20 minutes early so that I’m sitting down so like I had the control power of the room and of course that didn’t happen so there was the anxiety because for me one of the easiest way to interact with people is if I’m already there when they come in so that was anxiety and then it was the anxiety of I knew who you were and like we have kind of mutual friends but we had never actually met so I was like okay what are we what are gonna do like I’ll start with a handshake and it’s so nice to meet you and then he hugged me and that threw off my whole game I was just like oh we’re going in for a hug okay yeah okay reevaluate I got this no I love being an extrovert like I love it I love being an extrovert hi okay so when I go and speak somewhere like if I’ve got like a speaking engagement and I’m talking to a group of people like I get excited it energizes me when I leave on you know like I feel on top of the world like that isn’t that gives me energy I love be popping around and talking to people and having relationships and giving to know people and that is so fun for me I I just enjoy it I did enjoy it tremendously and Dad I’ll never forget I’m James and I first started dating we were just like sitting somewhere and I was telling him a story and I was using my hands and all this stuff and he’s like this is my room TV and I was like I just felt so validated and just my weirdness do you know that I was like entertaining him he was enjoyed it you know I think I’ve learned from being with an introvert is to try to process a little bit more slow down a little bit more and I think really just see people differently because I learned you know about those things and if he even tells me that like he’s come out of his shell a little more since he’s been with me I just think people just want to be validated and not feel like I’m crazy or weird you know so the best way to describe how my energy levels operate is if you have a certain number say you have like five I guess I’m gonna use an analogy I’ve heard from mental illness you have five spoons throughout the day and you can only have five spoons you can’t gain more you can’t gain less and so for me the spoons are my energy level so if I was here by myself reading a book I’d keep my spoons all day but going to work I automatically lose a spoon because I have to deal with people and then I have four spoons left and so then it comes down to if I go out to lunch somewhere that’s gonna take two of my spoons because it’s more people and then I only have you know two spoons left well if somebody asked me to go to a party that evening I don’t have the energy to do that because I only have two spoons and that would take four spoons so if I were to go to a party and I only had five spoons then would stay home all day and then just reserve all my energy for that like I don’t gain any of my spoons if you will back until like I’m by myself relaxing decompressing where as an extrovert you know they may start with one spoon in the mornings and then gain their spoons like you know going to work they get two more spoons because they’re interacting going to a party they’re maxed out on their energy level whereas mine it slowly fades throughout the day the more interactions I have I think generally people gravitate towards extrovert to no good for gregarious and the life of the party but that doesn’t always mean really anything I think will gravitate towards those people and I need to listen to us more when really we’re not even thinking about what we’re saying so if you listen to the introvert he’s thought things through you know our society is more dominated by the extroverted culture for sure just by definition of extraversion they’re out engaging with people and doing activities more and the introverts there’s some misconceptions about them and they are just as capable individuals just as social just as warm right can be but they do prefer to engage in the internal world of proportion and so while they like being social oftentimes and like interacting they just their battery kind of runs a low in that area quicker during the day than extrovert so they just need to go I was just a big thing I kept these women to reflect sometimes our thinking about what they’re feeling sometimes about thinking about what makes sense that’s remembering the past or play towards a future of it they like to look over and and have that time alone it recharges the battery so they can re engage when you go after that so often times my workplace they have offices first sure he’s been interview an interruption to them it’s different it’s not it’s not a charging ok we’re extroverts often that’s like like it kind of drives them to have an interruption but for an introvert like now they’re there they’re processing in their mind they’ve got things are working on an interruption it’s like it’s breaking the conversation that they’re having with themselves okay and it’s ears me quite honestly and they like to have in a lone office with the door that they can close its you know and so even from the work environment as well so one of the things I think is a common misconception about introverts is that introverts aren’t friendly or don’t want to be social and I can’t speak for every introvert because every introverts different but I do want to be social and so one of the things that I worry about on a frequent basis at my office is that because I don’t leave my office and socialize with everybody constantly I worry that they think I don’t like them or I don’t want to associate with them when in reality it’s just sometimes it’s easier to stay in my office than to put myself out there and I think speaking on an introvert level that’s true of everything I worry with my anxiety that my introvert is coming off as resting bitch face or as that person’s not friendly or that person is a snob or that person is very uppity or they think they’re better than everybody else which for me is incredibly hurtful because I listen to everything everyone says it’s an introvert and I care more about what is being said to me or around me than what I have to say and so I think when you’re an extrovert dealing with an introvert you just have to keep in mind that maybe they’re not speaking a whole lot or maybe they’re not offering to go do things but that doesn’t mean they don’t want you to interact with them or to offer like for our friend group for example I don’t make a lot of the plans I let everybody else make the plans that doesn’t mean I don’t want to do it it’s just it’s easier I’m like well I don’t know if they want to hang out or I don’t know if they want to be around me and as an introvert that has the high anxiety levels that I do one of the common misconceptions is I don’t want to have friends when in reality I worry that do people want to be friends with me I have a lot of relationships I have a lot of friends I have a lot of people that I’m close to that I care deeply about I I really want to get to know people I want to get families and what they like I just I genuinely really enjoy being around people and having relationships however I have a lot of relationships I enjoy them and I enjoy a quantity of my relationships what’s happening said the quality of the relationships apart I would say probably as deep as they mature I have very very good friends I very very good friends and I guess I just have one one person it’s my Abby and I just had that one person that I can call and she knows on if extroverts keep in mind the introverts aren’t necessarily not social they’re just they don’t know how to reach out it might be easier for them to reach out and then I think if introverts keep in mind that extroverts don’t maybe understand how you can’t just go up to somebody and hug them or say hi my name’s Stacey or my name is Alison they can think well maybe I can go out there and do that just because they’re just because they’re not looking at me that way doesn’t mean they don’t want to be around me they just don’t understand there are many situations and I find myself in me as an extrovert that makes me uncomfortable that gives still give me anxiety I mean I think that we wouldn’t be human or if I went into a room and I knew that I had to meet people or mingle and I didn’t know anybody I’m still like oh my god I don’t know anybody in this room this makes me anxious you know even though I am next to her and I’m a people person and I can just talk to anybody if thought and doing that makes me anxious and so I just kind of I knew no one if I was like good going somewhere and there’s a whole room of people I didn’t know that would just oh that wouldn’t be awful and I cannot imagine what that won’t feel like for an introvert because I think it’s very hard for an introvert to expand an extrovert and I think it’s maybe even more difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert because introverts kind of innately know when they need time around people when they need time away and extroverts I don’t think grasp that concept so one of my friends is an extrovert and if I need time to myself or I just need to be alone or I just need to think and I say you know sorry I don’t want to do that or I’m not interested in that they think that I’m upset or it’s hurtful when in reality it’s just I need that time to recharge I need that time to process I think it’s hard for extroverts because they’re okay when they’re around everybody they’re like no this is great this is how I feel better and introverts are like okay it’s great to be around people but I also need my time I need my space I need a day off from this and so I think just kind of if I can give that advice to both extroverts and introverts it would be very helpful of just keep in mind that just because somebody’s not putting themselves out there doesn’t mean they don’t want to be out there and that if somebody is pulling away it’s not necessarily because you’ve done something or you’ve upset them it’s that they need to recharge because that is a very common misconception of hey I don’t want to do something well what’s wrong with them are they sad are they upset like are they depressed do they need help like let’s talk to them more like I’ll come over and comfort and it’s like no I’m not not depressed I’m not sad I just I need that time to myself I need to read a book I need to be in my house alone just to recharge so I think if both sides understand that I think it’s gonna help in the long run both of them kind of communicate better because I think there is a bit of a communication issue between the two because we don’t really know how to communicate this type of space energizes me so much like I love it I’m excited I want to run around there’s people that I’m watching and they’re inside of them I just get so much energy so do you get the same feelings for me not at all how long would it you have to be here for this decree no I bring you no really so not only is this like a bunch of people but this is a whole new atmosphere so I haven’t been on a trampoline probably in five years so the whole bouncing and cross here thing yeah I mean I’m sure if I came back here would be fun or by god who knows who my close friends but right now it’s just very like oh here’s the trampoline bouncing now all right it’s onion knowing that like pressures the introvert to do something they don’t want to like I got you on camera and I’m like do it it makes me think about they really just don’t want to do it it’s not fair not having fun because you may just be doing you’re not just having you may be happier honestly just standing there if I’m going right and that’s where I think if you understand introverts you’d be like okay I’m making it worse for them right they’re having fun and introverts need to understand it when we’re just friends I mean you’re perfectly happy you’re looking at oh my god that person stops having fun right I do to make them have fun go ahead do this to my husband I need to receive a lot of stuff Society it’s about 50/50 extroverts and introverts but it may not seem it that way because extroverts tend to engage in the environment more speak up more talk louder talk more so they are going to have a little bit more of a dominant presence so the overall like understanding of extroverts introverts based on extroverts is what it’s going to be prevalent but they’re extroverts willness I understand that introversion right right so it was really helpful for me to understand that introversion simply means that I am energized by reflecting and thinking it’s the internal world of thought and reflection and even when I process my ideas I’m going to prefer as an introvert to process them in relief which might mean there’s a little extra pause before I answer a question you have to think right it doesn’t mean I’m less intelligent right it doesn’t mean that you’re shy question or that you’re shy right and you know I think the understanding can go both ways so I think introverts it’s helpful for them to understand that extroverts don’t necessarily know how to interpret their silence or their pause and they do wonder did you understand what I said did I just offend you by what I say maybe you don’t care about what we’re talking about so I often encourage introvert speak up and say you know that’s an interesting question I definitely want to talk about that I’d like to process that for a little bit can we get back together maybe tomorrow for lunch and chat or you know if it’s a bigger topic or if it’s just an egg conversation just say okay yeah let me think about that for a second and then answer so that Evert knows what you’re doing like yes exactly because I’m already thinking that you hate me yeah you know I said the dumbest thing and really because I need the response that’s how I like I’m ready to go yes I was an extrovert we’d be just that’s right extroverts like to process their thoughts out loud yeah so they start talking in they’re not it’s not clear to them yet right and they’re not at their conclusion they like to talk it out to figure it out yeah where’s the introvert they like to think it through to figure it out and then share and they’re typically closer to their conclusion once they share so do you find it easier or like a better match when you have an introvert and extrovert and kind of working together maybe in a marriage or in the work space you know it can really work well any of those combinations so two introvert to extrovert introvert and extrovert really as long as they’re understanding okay as long as they know what that is and how to work well together it really can work either way now as you can imagine two introverts may struggle with both of them keeping their thoughts inside and not remembering okay I got to say this out loud for good communication to extroverts could be talking over each other right an introvert and extrovert the expert could possibly dominate the interaction so it can it could be a challenge for any of those combinations but it also could work well and create a great dynamic as long as there is that awareness right it’s not anything like what do you think about this instead of me just being like like yeah those thing the whole situation what do you think about this and then with your body Lenny which let them know I’m gonna be patient I’m gonna sit back and I’m not gonna stare at you all your things look around you know like I’m gonna go to the bathroom or having drinks yeah so is this the place that you would typically go to relax yeah I mean in college this was kind of my go to for studying actually I would come at night and I’d take a blanket out down there and put a blanket down and study down here because it’s kind of the quiet area after the library had closed and I’ll bring my dogs here and walk to relax or I’ll just come and kind of sit on the benches and take everything in and it’s kind of very relaxing for me which I don’t think it’s her you know it’s not like I could okay honestly if I I could come and clear my head and sit on a bench and after probably 2 or 3 minutes I would be done I’d be ready like I that’s all like I don’t need very long but I made a little bit just in just the tiniest little bit breather and then I’m ready to go again but for me to sit here for more than five minutes would be too much it would be too much because I wanted these with somebody right you want are you talking do with me even if we’re not talking and we’re just together it’s the fact that you have somebody there with you and in that I like that like even if we’re not talking but I have somebody with me I just don’t want to be I just don’t enjoy it if I’m a codependent I just I really just don’t enjoy it right it’s nice I’m not fun for you to just fit by yourself now own could you sit here for a while I mean sitting right here I could probably be here for an hour yeah now after an hour I’d probably be like okay I need to go do something now like I’ve wasted an hour but yeah I could easily just sit here an hour well what’d you do well I mean I like watching the river or people driving by or I’d bring a book and read a book if I would had a book I probably could be here this is kind of where I can relax and be quiet what do you do to relax this really has nothing to do with the amount of kids that I have or the job that I have I’ve always been somebody that just continues to go go go go go and I think I was just god given with a lot of energy and and I don’t know how much this has to do with being an extrovert but I just go go go go until I kind of hit a wall and then my body kind of tells me to relax like I’m almost like I need to like lay down you know but I typically don’t take a lot of time to relax I think activities like clear my head mm hmm like working out it clears my head like I’ve taken yoga before and I was like my head might just pop off like I don’t think I can do this and at the end they were like get into your most comfortable state and people were like you know and I was like jumping jacks like that’s my comfortable where I want to be right now but it’s not you know it just it’s Who I am and I think that there’s a really great place for both of us in this world you know like we we complement each other goal to relax I don’t feel like you need to be stationary or quiet or anything else it just it’s a matter of where are you comfortable in your brain so I mean if you’re comfortable working out and that’s what clears your head I think it’s great that somebody does that I think it’s when people don’t take any time to figure out what at least will calm them that it’s a problem like it doesn’t matter whether you’re stationary or you’re moving as long as you’re doing something for your mental health that’s that’s all it really matters I don’t typically blurt anything out like if I if there’s pauses here in the interview it’s because I have to sit and listen and really think about it and then talk about it because for me I don’t like to talk as much as extroverts typically do so what I need to say is something that I feel is necessary to say and it’s very well thought out and to the point where as extroverts I kind of envy them because they can just go and speak and then oh I didn’t really mean it that way or this way but they they got their point out there whereas I have to you know if somebody asked me a question like what’s your favorite color I can’t just blurt the color out I have to think well what is my favorite color today and why is it that color and I go from there favorite color today is green support for this program is provided by the Women’s Hospital delivers comprehensive health care to women and infants through inpatient and outpatient obstetrical gynecologic and education programs the women’s hospital only at Deaconess.

Tagged As: an introvert in an extroverted world

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