15 Secrets Of People Who Live With Social Anxiety Video



Social Anxiety


tend to think that the thoughts and the feelings that theyre having are pretty unique, but whats most personal is actually most universal.

See how well you can relate to these common thoughts that people with social anxiety have.

And I think that if you hear and see these thoughts and you see, Hey, I can relate to this, that will bring a sense of relief and its like, Hey, Im not alone in this.

You’re not alone in this!

Get your social confidence starter kit and discover how to use EFT tapping to overcome your social anxiety completely. Go regards,
Sebastiaan van der Schrier

Social Confidence Coach (See video testimonials of former clients who became and sign up for a 20-min intro-chat here: of the Social Anxiety Solutions podcast show (find it in iTunes or go to of the Social Confidence System.

hi my name is spell simple is clear and I’m an ex social anxiety disorder sufferer and I’m also a social confidence coach specialize in helping people go from social anxiety to social confidence so that you freely express yourself be in the moment connect with people and create a satisfying social life now in this video I’m going to share 15 of the thoughts and feelings that I had when I experienced social anxiety experienced social anxiety for you know over a decade and these thoughts and feelings are also thoughts that my socially anxious clients suffer from so they’re very common and people tend to think that you know the thoughts and the feelings that they’re havin having are pretty unique but what’s most personal is actually most universal so the aim of this video is actually to to see how well you can relate to these common thoughts that people with social anxiety have and I think that if you if you hear and see these thoughts and you see hey you know I can relate to this that will that will bring a sense of relief and like hey I’m not alone in this and so I’m gonna go over these 15 and then afterwards I’ll briefly talk about you know what I did to overcome my social anxiety which isn’t you know your typical change your thoughts face your fears approach so let’s go on thought number one my social anxiety is my biggest secret I’m ashamed of it and I feel less than you because of it now the problem with social anxiety is that in society especially Western society it’s something that’s kind of looked down upon like it’s some kind of a weakness and you know it’s like go get your act together and so when when you have this problem and you’re then ashamed of it it actually locks the problem in place because now you don’t just have anxiety to deal with which is difficult enough in and of itself now you also have shame about it and you judge yourself for it you call yourself a loser and you know you you’re like well that person look at look at him look how free is I wish I could be like him now that he’s in the room I feel inferior because you know I you know he’s just much better than me you know this whole comparison game that we play in society anyway and now that gets blown out of proportion because you have this anxiety and you feel ashamed of it number two I feel like I’m trapped and I cannot escape this it’s consuming my thinking it’s always there yeah so this is something really difficult that you know a lot of people that don’t have this problem can’t really relate to very well you know social anxiety it’s something that obsesses you completely or at least that that’s how it was for me you know I would wake up and I would be thinking about you know Who am I gonna run into today that I don’t want to run into and you know what if I’m gonna get anxious and they’re gonna see it and what if I’m not comfortable in that situation and you know how do I overcome this and why is this happening to me and you know what solutions can I apply and bla bla bla bla bla and it’s like constantly in the back of your mind it’s it’s something that’s terrorizing your thoughts all the time and you know that just makes it really hard and really difficult number three I worry about becoming anxious and other people seeing it now this is probably one of the most common things I hear my clients say you know I’m going to this party and you know what if I become anxious and others see me becoming anxious and then I asked okay so what’s what’s so bad about that well then they judge me to be loser and now I’m forever this kind of person in their mind because you know because it’s our biggest secret we of course try to hide it but then when other people see it and we notice that they see us anxious that actually makes us even more anxious and even more ashamed and it’s just this negative loop that just keeps going and going and going number four everyone else is probably fine doesn’t have that much issues it’s just me that has issues now this is quite an irrational thought that that I see you know people have including myself but over the years of going through lots of therapy and techniques and strategies and so on I can assure you everyone has issues and not just a bit you know everyone has quite some issues everyone has their own stuff that they’re going through but it’s just when you have social anxiety it’s just it’s such a personal problem that affects you with every interaction that you have that it can appear that other people don’t have this particular problem so then they probably don’t have any problems or if they have problems it’s probably not that bad well that’s not really true you know some people have other horrible problems that don’t particularly have anxiety problems but you know it’s other people have issues in short by I often don’t know why I feel anxious it just happens alright often people are overcome by anxiety sometimes and I hear this quite often it’s like yeah I don’t know when it’s gonna happen sometimes I can predict oh I know for sure I’m gonna go have this meeting I know that I’m gonna be anxious I’m gonna be around this and that person I know for sure I’m gonna be anxious but sometimes it just happens and then all of a sudden it takes me over and my heart is racing at this lump in my throat and my mind is blanking out and I’m trying to you know look to escape to see you know look for ways to escape the situation and you know I feel sweaty and I’m starting to blush and you know all these social anxiety symptoms that they’re describing right and it’s like I don’t know why it is happening well I can quickly tell you why is happening it is because in that moment your brain is perceiving a threat and your body reacts to that threat by firing off its built in response to that threat the fight flight freeze response and that is a response that puts your body into survival mode adrenaline gets released into your body cortisol your stress hormone is released into your body blood goes away from your head and away from your digestive system into your outer limbs and your whole system is being prepared to deal with that threat that your brain is perceiving so the why is because there is a perception of a threat and then the survival mode that your old system is put in is actually what we label as anxiety so that’s a bit of an inside as to not just why it happens but also how it is that you can get rid of anxiety because once you get rid of the perceptional of the threat you can get rid of the anxiety you know why is there a threat in the first place well you know you’re not really born with that you learned that and it’s it’s not something you can just quickly change with your thoughts you actually need an emotional approach okay I’ll get you know I’ll get into that after we go through these steps so let’s move on to the next one number six my logic cannot stop me from feeling anxious can’t reason myself out of my anxiety right and I kind of alluded to this just now you know if you’re having a full blown anxiety attack just saying to yourself oh I’m alright they’re not disapproving of me they’re not you know they’re not judging me they’re too concerned with themselves to be judging me or blah blah blah all these little thought things that you can say to yourself which do help a tiny little bit tiny a little bit it’s actually not really stopping the anxiety you can’t think yourself out of an anxiety attack because it’s an emotional problem in that moment you’re brain is perceiving a threat no matter what you say to yourself you’re gonna react emotionally it’s just like compared to all of a sudden a wild bear is walking into the room your body’s gonna respond to that wild bear like mad and you can say to yourself oh that bear is not dangerous and it’s you know I’m not in danger right now I shouldn’t run away but your brain is like yeah right you are in danger you know get the hell out of here fight it not such a good idea so get the hell out of here or freeze and play dead okay so you can’t think yourself out of it it’s an emotional problem moving on to number seven I should fight my anxiety this is a common thought that actually leads to quite a problem because fighting your anxiety is like it comes up now you have this response and now you start fighting it no I shouldn’t have this anxiety why is this happening to me and I’m pissed off at myself and I’m such a loser and I blame myself for it and other people’s don’t have it and I’ve got a you know repress it and blah blah blah like this this fighting against your anxiety it sounds like a really good idea right it kind of makes sense but this comes up I don’t want it so I’m gonna attack it but actually well you probably found or at least what I found is like it hardly it hardly ever works in most of the situations it actually makes it worse because now you don’t just have the anxiety now you’re also putting yourself down you’re making yourself less you’re um you’re attacking yourself as it as it were so now you’re feeling that anxiety because there’s that response to the threat and now you’re also beating yourself up and so you’re making yourself you feel even worse about yourself which makes you feel even less safe around others and the anxiety just gets stronger you know of course the solution to that is is accepting it but that’s a lot easier said than done because you can’t just say alright I accept my anxiety no problem that doesn’t work again there’s some emotional work involved in order to get to this place where your anxiety comes up and you don’t have an additional response to it you don’t judge yourself for it so the anxiety comes up there’s no shame about it there’s no frustration you know there’s maybe a little bit of frustration about it but not an exaggerated frustration response you don’t judge yourself to be loser and so on when when you’re in that state so you’re in acceptance after that trigger happens you know the anxiety will pass a lot quicker and you know we won’t blow out of proportion number eight I am world class at coming up with excuses to avoid alright so avoidance it is a problem but it is a very understandable problem if you know that you’re gonna go to this party and when you’re at this party you’re gonna get super anxious and you’re gonna blush and you’re gonna be uncomfortable and you’re not gonna have a good time then of course you’re you’re naturally not wanna go there you’re you’re like oh man I could stay at home watch your movie have a good time or I can go to this party where I know I’m gonna be uncomfortable and blah blah so naturally you’re gonna avoid now how I would do this my friends would call me up say hey come out we’re gonna go to XYZ and I said nah you know I’ve got soccer tomorrow and I want to be fresh for it or you know I’m already going to this other party or you know whatever I would come up with excuses in order to not have to deal with that and everyone does that you know it makes sense it’s not the best thing to do the best thing is to actually go to the experiences that you can kind of handle and then use various tools to regulate your emotions so that you can more comfortably experience that and still live your life and use these emotional tools in that I’ll get to into into in a bit so that you can still live your life and start reducing that perception of threat bit by bit step by step so you can get rid of the anxiety all right number nine public humiliation is my worst nightmare alright this is one of the things that made it so difficult for me to go face your fears just do the things that you’re afraid of because I was so afraid of looking awkward or looking uncomfortable you know and then it was just humiliating to me or someone pointing out a flaw that I had while being the center of attention it will make me blush someone challenging me it would make me blush all of these things that I saw as people disrespecting me or people not approving of me or people not accepting me it would make me feel so awkward inside would make them feel so bad about myself and now I have evidence at least to myself that they didn’t like me and you know that was just humiliation that was what I wanted to avoid the most that was the biggest pain that I was trying to get away from in social situations that was the thing that was the threat or at least one of the biggest threats that I had because I had a lot that thought would cause me to feel anxious so I would go to a situation maybe would have you know a couple of friends group of friends or something and I would start feeling anxious because there was the threat that maybe they will challenge me or make fun of me or ridicule me or criticize me or attack me or whatever the case may be and it was that that humiliation that I experienced so often earlier on in life and that shame of myself that I was afraid of happening again number 10 I may look snobby or arrogant or disinterested but I’m actually just afraid to connect so when I moved to the Philippines when was 24 or something I still had quite a bit of anxiety even though I was starting to get a handle on it and if they would call me humble get over there which is which isn’t very good it means proud and boastful American I’m not an American I’m a Dutch guy but it kind of says quite a bit about how I was coming across to these people as an arrogant guy but I wasn’t that I was feeling superior it was just that I felt when I was sober when I was drunk no problem but when I was sober I just felt like if people would look me in the eyes that they could see my insecurities that they could see the shame that I had about myself and so I would rather you know just try to look cool and you know have kind of like a standoffish vibe and you know only you know let people come to me and just play this whole little game and would make me come across as if I was quite arrogant and disinterested in people but I just didn’t feel safe to you know truly relax look people in the eye and and connect on a person to person level because I didn’t like and love and accept and appreciate myself to the degree where I felt safe to connect with another person number 11 I worry I’ll have to live with this for the rest of my life all right so this was a very scary thought that haunted me quite a bit you know I I tried a whole bunch of things that didn’t work and they were supposedly the solution changing my thoughts anchoring certain feeling states and making them blow up neuro linguistic programming hypnosis facing my fears I did all these things and it all didn’t work and every time I had found the next new thing and I tried it and it then didn’t work my hope for something did would eventually help me got less and less and less so that was very depressing and very scary to think that’s like oh my god what if I have to live with this for the rest of my life you know very scary thought luckily there are solutions which I’ll get into in in just a sec but first we go on to number 12 I have so much potential if I could just beat this social anxiety that this was you know I I’d like to think I’m quite an intelligent guy I’m quite a sensitive guy I’m quite an intuitive guy and I can feel how other people feel quite well I can Intuit pretty accurately what people are thinking and I just feel have a lot of potential I’ve got a lot in me there’s a lot that I want to accomplish there’s a lot that I want to do a lot I want to give a lot of people I want to help and I’ve had that for a long time but when I was trapped in this social anxiety there wasn’t much that I could do because I’m like I want to do this yeah but then I’m gonna get anxious I want to do public speaking yeah but that’s not gonna be happening how can I be you know an anxious public speaker trying to help people with anxiety that doesn’t work I want to do and and that’s a very common story that I hear from my clients it’s actually often why people reach out to me it’s like well I I’ve been having this job and I’ve been doing quite alright there but now they’re promoting me and I don’t want to take that promotion because now I have to lead a team or you know it’s gonna involve me having to do meetings and you know I really want to do that but I’m gonna get so anxious that it’s gonna be so stressful I won’t be able to deal with that kind of stress so it’s holding you back from you know living your potential number thirteen we’re more sensitive than others and we have the ability to sense what others feel and think and this sometimes causes me to feel fraid so all right I just I just said that actually we can we’re typically not everyone with social anxiety but typically we’re more sensitive and we’re we’re more empathic we’re more intuitive as to how other people feel and so often we project this upon other people as well so we then think that other people can see and Intuit us being anxious and that that makes us feel more uncomfortable but what is often the case is people don’t even know people don’t even notice because they actually are consumed in their own world and they are not that bothered about you being uncomfortable and you know it’s just it’s just us that are that is that is thinking and feeling in that kind of way 14 wow I wish it wasn’t true I actually crave your respect your acceptance your approval and your appreciation now this is for some people it’s just one of them that you really crave but for some for some people like for me you create mole for them and that is actually because it’s an emotional wound from your childhood that you’re living out now so we come into this world with basic human needs you have a need for respect acceptance approval love and if you’re not getting that or its distorted or if it’s insufficient then that becomes an emotional wound and you you need that more as an adult and so you know these kinds of feelings that neediness you know actually comes from that emotional wound so that’s again an emotional problem which you can release with this emotional tool that I’ll tell you about after number 15 it sometimes feels like nobody understands me and I’m completely alone in this world alright I felt like that too many times to mention and I I’ve actually escaped the Netherlands that’s one way of saying it when I was maybe 20 or 21 and you know I traveled quite a bit and you know moved to new places new countries tried to start over and in many of these situations I felt really really alone I’ve had long periods where I had no friends and where I felt completely alone in the world where I still couldn’t connect with people where my might where my human interaction on a day to day basis consisted of having a you know a $5 massage and hopefully having a bit of a conversation with the masseuse saying hi and a load to the place where I would go eat and just no social interaction aside from that I would play football with the Thais but I you know I didn’t speak that language and I felt very disconnected and very alone luckily my coach really helped me with that but it’s a very very deeply painful experience when your debt disconnected we’re actually disconnected from yourself and you know it is possible luckily to reconnect to the point where you are connected with yourself again and from that place of connection with yourself feeling safe to express yourself now you connect with other people and now you connect with other people effortlessly and now it’s a text you know this is how things are now and how things that have been for years and you know for other clients as well you get to enjoy socializing again you look forward to it it’s something that energizes you instead of drains you and something you avoid so connection that’s where it’s at and that comes from feeling safe to be yourself now I remember when these thoughts and feelings were like a daily thing for me and you know I was that was very difficult and dark and even just like talking about it kind of reminds me of what that was like but the most difficult thing was what there was no real solution because I tried all those things that they said that would work you know I tried changing my thoughts I’ve journaled more than you know any person I know I challenged my thoughts I wrote them down I did you know NLP anchoring hypnosis well what else did I do any kind of self help I could get my hands on Tony Robbins you know walking around with pretending I have a cake feeling all confident visualizing myself confident facing my fears you know I was told that you can get rejection proof if you purposely get yourself rejected so I go to Amsterdam go to the city with a friend he would point out girls and I would walk up to them and say like hey you like me give me your number and you know guess what I would get rejected and I would do that over and over again at the end of the day I had walked up to 20 girls or groups of girls and I got rejected over and over and I didn’t care anymore I’m like I feel confident I don’t care I felt literally I felt on top of the world like look at me this is it whew and I’d go home and I’d fall back into my normal routine and five days later that confidence was gone nothing left or you know flooding doing the thing that you were afraid of most I was most afraid of humiliating myself so I bought the brightest red lipstick smeared around my lips circled around my eyes and went into the city talking to people and I would you know be so awkward and so uncomfortable but after an hour I’m like I don’t care about what people think look at me I feel so good but same story that gained confidence and this took so much out of me like I’m talking about it easily like it was a funny story but I couldn’t sleep for days knowing that I was gonna do this stuff it was super super scaring then I did it and got the confidence but a couple of days later that confidence was gone again so all these solutions that were out there they didn’t work but I had committed myself like this is not a a way to live my life I want to be free of this stuff because the first eleven twelve years of my life I didn’t have any anxiety I was like like I am now just free and so it was something like I know that I can overcome this I know that this is not who I really am and so anyway eventually I found a technique called EFT sense for emotional freedom techniques and if you see it for the first time you’ll probably laugh and think it’s nonsense and a scam and bla bla bla because what you’re actually doing is you’re tapping on particular acupressure points on your body it’s based on Chinese medicine a discipline of over five thousand years old acupuncture it’s like acupuncture but instead of using needles you tap on these acupressure points in the body and strangely what this does is it disconnects the emotion from whatever you’re thinking about and why this is so effective for social anxiety is because your social anxiety it’s not a logical problem you can’t think yourself out of your anxiety it’s an emotional problem and emotional freedom techniques EFT is a way to get rid of the emotions that are causing you to not feel safe socially so these emotions can help you get rid of that threat that perception that you’re in danger and once you do that and you do that in the right way you can get to a place where you have no anxiety anymore because there is no perception of threat and then you feel free safe you feel free to say whatever is on your mind and then you feel safe to connect with others and then from that place you know you can create a social life create connections with people and you know really just enjoy yourself socially now I’m gonna give that to you not Eve to eat self is not my tool I just learned about it I found about I found it but I’ve been working with it for the past eight years I coached socially anxious clients specifically only socially anxious clients to social confidence that have been doing that for the past eight years I’ve logged about 5,000 coaching’s sessions and I want to give this technique to you and I have a free video series for you where I teach the basics of this technique and as well as a guide you through an experience of it because just hearing about it won’t do anything for you this is something that you want to experience it sounds weird but just just give it a try you’ve got nothing to lose okay so it’s called my social anxiety starter kit social confidence starter kit and you can get that at social anxiety solutions.com forward slash bonus and with that you also get my you know an e book where I talk about my story how I overcame my social anxiety and why it is that you can get to a place that you’re actually anxiety free alright so you can get that you know click on the link below the video or visit the URL or whatever you do and also leave your your comment in the comment section below and we’ll see you know what is most popular alright so I hope this was helpful hoped you could relate to this and know there are powerful solutions out there to become anxiety free and feel calm and confident in social situations bye for now. .

Tagged As: social anxiety

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