Social Anxiety #17: Jobs Video

Social Anxiety

I talk about previous jobs and my current job.

hey guys it’s me again and well I think the last video went okay and I had quite a lot of positive feedback on it so yeah so here I am come back to make another one I had quite a lot of positive feedback from you guys so you know thanks for that but definitely I wouldn’t be able to do this if it wasn’t for you guys you know giving me all the the positive comments and you know just making me feel like I’m I’m welcome here and yeah it’s the thing about making videos on is that you know there’s a there’s a lot of toxic people out there and it’s very scary for people like me to come on here and do a video knowing full well that I could get you know trolled by people but I think I’ve been really lucky with my channel in that the majority of you if not all of you have been really nice people and that was one of the things that I was most surprised about when I first started making videos on the very first video that I made I was absolutely terrified by the the response that I would I would get I just felt like I thought that people would laugh at it and you know make fun of me and you know just be generally nasty but the surprising thing was that you know pretty much everyone that left the comment on on the video was it was a nice comment and it may really sort of changed my my view of how I perceive other people I think I just I had this idea in my head that all people are bad you know him them and that’s not the case so I didn’t really get a chance to really talk about what I’ve been up to over the last four years or so in my last video I’d like to try and keep my videos to ten minutes because I feel people would just get bored if I it’s just me talking for like half an hour or so so I like to try and keep it short but yeah so the last video I didn’t really talk about like how my job was going or anything like that that’s really what this video is going to be about today is going to be about my how I’ve really coped with with work and and the job that I’ve had for the past four years or rather I know it’s been about six years now I think but yeah so I started off as a first line Support Analyst a company that provides IT support to schools so my job was pretty much to take phone calls so customers would be calling in to the help desk and I would be the the first port of call along with you know 20 other people and and my job was to try and help them and if not if I couldn’t help them then I would have to pass the issue over to second line support and so I did that for about probably about five years yeah yeah it’s bit about I was on there I was on first line for about no I was on there for four years and then eventually I progress to I got a promotion to team leader and so I went into a kind of more of a management role and so I had had a team of about four people working under me and you know it was a very very stressful very difficult job for somebody with social anxiety obviously you’re you know you’re the person in charge and people come to you and they look up to you and you know and you’ve got to be like this strong person that’s able to deal with any situation it was really tough and also there was a lot of kind of like having to do like public speaking and public speaking is one of those things that I’ve just been never been good at you know it absolutely terrifies me my I feel like my legs go to jelly and my voice starts shaking and my mind just goes blank and I don’t know what to say and I just feel like I ended up making a complete idiot of myself so there was a lot of that and you know that used to stress me out quite a lot if I knew that I had to get up and talk in front of you know the whole office it would be you know just terrifying for me so you may be wondering why I even took the job in the first place you know during first line work is one thing but becoming a team leader when you have social anxiety is completely different so at the time I was getting a lot of pressure in my outside life to try and earn more money and I felt like that was the the only opportunity that was available to me at the time and to make more money so I went for the job I did two interviews and one of those consisted of doing a presentation in front of five other managers but you know that was I mean you know I did it I got over it and I must have done okay because I got the job but it was what came afterwards you know the actual doing of the job that was the the real soar challenge for me so I was a team leader for about a year so I stuck it out for a year even though I absolutely hated it because you know just go into work every day just terrified me and it was stressful and you know I would just I would come home and I would be sort of having nightmares about it you know so in the end i am i went to my my manager and told them that I was not coping very well in the job and that I wanted to to stop you know I wanted to step down and go back to the first line so yeah that was a really awkward conversation to have obviously having to tell your boss that you’re not coping in your job and that you’re stressed all the time and that you’re anxious yeah it was a horrible conversation for me to have but I was so desperate to get out of that job that you know I I had to do it and luckily she was okay about it and allowed me to go back to doing first line work you know a lot of people would say that’s a bit sort of humiliating you know stepping down and going back to doing what what you used to do knowing full well that the people that you used to manage are now on the same back on the same level as you but to me it was just like I need to get out of that job because I wasn’t coping yeah so someone went back to they’re in first line and immediately I felt like my stress had just you know the weight of the world had just been taken off of my shoulders and I was you know feeling a lot better and myself obviously I had to take a pay cut so I went back to first line and went back to the wage that I was on originally which I don’t don’t think it really went down with my ex girlfriend at the time and yeah so shortly after after my breakup with my ex girlfriend I then started applying for second line to go on to do more IIT sort of second line job and I had applied for this job like previously over the last several years or so and had been turned down several times you know other people had got the job over me even though I felt like I was the best person to do the job and they just seemed to be like people that were less qualified were getting it over me and I think that’s just all down it’s just due to how I was doing in the interview process obviously my social anxiety was so bad that I wasn’t putting putting across a good impression and and yeah it just wasn’t getting the job but eventually I did I managed to get the job so I’m working second line now I’m doing second line technical support which is the work is a lot more suited to me you know IT and fixing problems is what I’m good at and you know I’m enjoying it a lot a lot better than what I was with the team leader job and the first line job and the good thing about it was that the job that I’m in now actually pays a lot better than what the the first line sorry the team leader job was paying so and when I got the job you know it came at just the right time because obviously I I moved here to challenge Ferdinand I’m living on on my own here so I obviously I’m paying you know full whack for the rent got nobody living here with me helping me out with that so obviously I needed to earn a good wage so that I could live here by myself so apart from the job after I moved here to Chelmsford I actually didn’t realize this but I’ve got a friend that lives just down the road who I used to go to school with so when I found out where he where he was living obviously I went round and had a chat with him and yeah it was good to you know catch up with catch up with him excitement seen him in so long and he told me that he was studying Japanese which you know I thought was pretty cool because I you know many years ago I tried to learn Japanese when I was about sort of 19 and when I told him about they see he said you know why don’t you why don’t you come to classes with me and so I was I yeah all right so I’m studying Japanese and I go to a Japanese class every Wednesday and it lasts for about two hours but yes it’s good fun can be a little bit can be a little bit nerve racking sometimes especially when you’re kind of put on the spot to talk in front of people but you know I think this is good for me to you know get out and actually do something and and you know meeting up with my friend every week is you know it’s good for me I think so every Wednesday I get given homework to do and there’s a lot of writing involved so you have to know the what’s called caner which is a the like the alphabet I guess you could say for the Japanese language it’s like a mixture of two different character sets you’ve got one called katakana and one called hiragana so I’ve managed to learn those two alphabets I guess you could say which is really cool because now I can actually read Japanese and well the simple words anyway there’s a also a third character set called kanji which is like the Chinese characters that were imported from China and those are like really really difficult to learn there’s like thousands of them so at the moment I’m just trying to learn as many of those as I can but yeah this is good I know I quite like quite like writing and you know being able to read Japanese I think is really cool and I’ve just bought the jlpt m5 which is a language proficiency test for Japanese n5 is the the very bottom level it’s like for beginners so I’m going to be going through this book and hopefully one day I’ll be able to take the take the exam and actually be able to say that I I can speak basic Japanese and understand and read and write you know basic Japanese so you know just for us be pretty cool.


Tagged As: social anxiety

Comments are closed.