Top Tips To Overcome Shyness
Now most of these tips are for individuals actually willing to try and fix the situation whilst in the moment. If you think that you’re always just going to sit on your own and thinking about fixing the issue, and it’ll work out for the best, You’re WRONG. You know you’re clever enough to realize that there is a problem, big or small you’re here to solve it. So challenge yourself, and take action.
- Why shy?
– So ask yourself, what is it that is making you feel the way you do. It could be anything that would trigger your shyness or anxiety. Once you have understood the core of the issue and what causes it you’re one step closer to overcoming shyness.
For example, if you’re speaking to a pretty girl or guy and having just a general conversation and begin to feel shy, remind yourself that it’s not too late
Ask yourself, which part of the particular situation triggers that sort of anxiousness. Is it because they’re really good looking? Do they make you feel like they’re out of your league? Is it the lack of connection you feel with them, like it’s hard to find a topic to talk to them about, or even approach them?
Once you find the reason you can concentrate on practicing using different techniques, actually you might want to check out our daily training.
- Becoming self-aware instead of self-conscious
Sometimes we need to remember to forget. Forget the thought and mind state where you feel like everyone’s looking at you and observing you. You won’t be the centre of attention in everyone else’s life, just your own. Become aware of your own surroundings and stop being self-conscious.
This can help you regain that self-confidence. When you concentrate on yourself and look towards your own actions rather than always being paranoid of what others are thinking, it’ll give you more time to work on yourself.
Focus hard on yourself; for example stop and think, are you breathing normally or rather nervously? Are you speaking clearly or mumbling. Are you physically calm or constantly fidgeting? When you think about all this and concentrate inwards, it may push you closer to improvement.
- What’s your superpower?
What do you do best? And can you make use of that power?
The best way to explain this is by placing an example in front of you. So, for example…are you good at being isolated and alone. Is that what you do most of the time? Are you a quiet person
Well if you’re a quiet person then you’re maybe a better listener. Which is such a good skill to own. When you are able to listen to others patiently, others are willing to speak to you and approach you with their thoughts. Sharing some time with others doesn’t necessarily mean you need to speak a lot and go crazy with the story telling, but maybe just listen and observe the better things in life.
Understand that it’s not a weakness to be a quiet person, instead use this time wisely and boost your self-esteem, do tings you love to do, and when you do it for yourself you’ll realise your potential.
- Make your lungs useful
When you suddenly start to feel self conscious or anxious, start taking deep breaths. Yeah yeah I know everyone says the same thing, but this is such a useful tip to remember, no matter how many time you’re told you’re bound to forget.
Take a moment and close your eyes, calm your self and ask what’s the worst that can happen?
Get Up, brush the dust of your shoulders and begin to move on. When you take deep breaths and give your self a moment to calm down in tense situations, it’s like pressing a re-start button. This way you can start where you left off accept in a calmly motivated manner.
- Break free through movement
When you’re feeling anxious and shy, all your energy is on that mind state. So, grab a pin and pop that bubble, burst it and move out of it. Re-route your energy doesn’t let it go to waste.
If you’re sitting down get up and walk about, concentrate on what’s around you. Go for a walk, or a jog. Or if none of this is an option then do the following;
whilst your standing there or sitting there feeling uncomfortable maybe, start from your toes, move or tighten each muscle you can on your way up, right up to your fore head. This is a way some people might find useful to distract their brain from focusing all that energy on one bad spot.
Now this doesn’t really work for every single person but it’s still known to be useful. For some people this kind of self motivation and constant reminder does the job.
Tell your self that you can wake up today and be the kind of confident and outgoing person that you want to be. You won’t sit there in a corner on your own and you’ll go out there and be yourself in the crowd.
It’s a way of reminding your self or even a distraction from the demotivational thoughts that wonder in your head as soon as you get the opportunity to change things for the better.
I know for a fact that Chris thinks using affirmation is absolute nonsense but I think when you’re in the moment at that time when you really need a push, you can push yourself better than anyone else.
- Face It!
Ah! now this is one of my favourite tips to overcome shyness. Why? Because this is what you’re here to do. And if you tell yourself you can do it tomorrow then why not now?
I believe that if you’re smart enough to know that there is a problem then you should act wise enough and FACE IT.
Shyness is not a virus that spreads and is incurable, it’s more like an open wound, if you treat it fast it wont get worse or infected and all sorts. Pay attention to yourself; don’t under estimate your capability.
Now take it for example you’re sitting in a cafe with the gorgeous and sweet person across the table, and you have no idea what to say any more. The longer you are quiet the deeper you fall into this hole of shyness. Just think of what you’d say and for a moment just burst out of this bubble and say it. What’s the worst that can happen?
If you keep doing this it’ll get easier every time to burst out, it’ll take less energy to convince your self it’s okay to say what’s on your mind, and you will.
The fear of rejection and awkwardness due to you shyness needs to be faced, and no one can convince you of doing this except for yourself.
I know it’s all easier said than done, I should know. I had to go through several embarrassing and awkward situations to get to where I am today. But in all honesty the whole struggle was well worth it in the end, I would have never had gotten to know the people that I do today without these tips.
- Be okay with being rejected.
You are yourself. Don’t try and look at your self from someone else’s point of view, just your own. The moment you are satisfied with yourself you won’t need other people’s opinion on it.
If a person or even a crowd rejects you then just remind yourself that it’s not your fault, and maybe at the end of the day if they would reject you for any reason then ask yourself, is this really the kind of crowd I want to be part of?
Just because you’re rejected a few times does not mean there is no one out there compatible with your thought process. No need to go into the whole cycle of self-pity either, don’t be like “no one likes me” ” no one wants to accept me in their circle”. This wont get you anywhere.
Accept rejection and learn a lesson or two from it every time. Is there something you need to change about yourself or is it just their state of mind that’s wrong? Either way in most cases when others initially reject you for the wrong reasons you’re not at fault. Except for the fact that it can be possible that you’re looking for friends in the wrong direction.
- Pretty little labels
Don’t label you. “I’m a shy person” “I’m always going to be this way” or any of these things. Because there is always room for improvement and the label wont last. I’m not going to rant on about how pointless this is. Just be you without any sort of label.
- Feed the baby
Now consider your social skills are not skills but a baby. the baby needs to be looked at, evaluated and fed. It’s a very hungry baby. So how can you feed it on a daily basis go that it grows healthy?. You practice.
Go out in a crowd smile at people. Look them in the eye. Practice by speaking to random people making one-sentence conversations. Practice also means failing. Fail at reaching your targets and get up and try again.
The best way to build on your social skills is with practice and a lot of it.
Think of topics you can talk to people about confidently? For example if you want to talk to some people at work, then do your homework.
Over the weekend look at some news topics and what’s going on around the world find a few things you’re intrigued by and talk bring up a conversation at work about it. Topics such as news are great conversation starters, but if you were choosing a topic of news or a topic you take interest in then it becomes a whole lot easier to keep the conversation going too.
Another way is to remember conversations people have already had without. About what they take interest in this. Like a movie someone was talking about watching, if you’ve seen it you can talk to them about it ” remember that film you were talking about.. “.
Or an interest someone might take. ” So the other day you were saying how you love rock climbing.. Is there a lot of that here? Or have you been on trips to rock climbing? … “
This can also help you in dating, take an interest in their interest and it’ll not only give you a push but excite you about finally getting into a comfort zone.
You can also sign up for our little daily training program at the bottom of the page to help you with your hungry social skills.
- Take note
Yes please!. You have no idea how much taking notes on a daily basis can help. Refer back to both, your achievements and lessons learned during that day or week, make a dairy.
In all honesty there is no such thing as failure in overcoming shyness. No matter what you do to overcome your anxiety and shyness even if it ends up awkward or not the way you intended you would have come one more step closer to overcoming shyness. You will have fed your social skills a little bit more; you will have learned a lesson. So take note.
A part of our training program also discusses the most effective way to take notes and self evaluate at the end of the day, so it’s worth checking out.