Why I Love Extreme Shyness
I love the term extreme shyness. It’s not just shyness it’s extreme shyness! I feel like I should have a Hollywood narrator talking over me here while I type.
I might laugh now but a few years ago I probably would have described my own shyness as extreme shyness. The sad truth is it isn’t until you’ve beaten shyness that you know how easy it really is. I know what it’s like to think you’re basically stuck with it. Too many people still believe shyness is just who they are or some kind of genetically passed on fault. They think they need some treatment for anxiety that comes out of a bottle (and at one point someone asked me about surgical options.)
I can understand where the desperation to find an answer comes from. Shyness sucks. That’s a pretty light way of putting it. It can destroy lives and we don’t live long enough to have that kind of time to waste sitting around. Chances are that either you suffer from shyness yourself or you know someone who does and you’re trying to help them. In either case it’s pretty likely that you (or they) believe they have extreme shyness or that nobody else goes through what they do.
The issue with shyness is it causes it pretty destructive loop.
You feel shy, so you avoid social situations and experience less social immersion – so you feel more shy. This can be a problem at any age whether you’re in primary school, the board room or hiding away in your house avoiding people.
It’s not a pleasant feeling. The idea of shyness at all sucks and if you consider it extreme shyness then it’s likely it’s likely affecting your lifestyle. The sooner you can break out of this circle the easier you’ll find it.
That said a lot of our coaching on how to overcome shyness and our daily training course focuses on handling your social exposure in as much of a controlled environment as possible. Randomly sticking yourself out there into situations where you’re not prepared can actually reinforce this shyness because it’s a learned behavior and if you panic your brain doesn’t see it as a chance to overcome it. It just see’s a reason to panic in those situations.
There’s nothing much I can really say here. I can tell you how easy it is to overcome shyness until I’m blue in the face but I know exactly what it’s like from your side you won’t believe it until you’ve actually come out on the other side. But I can at least try and address some of the more common concerns from people who think they have an extreme form of shyness.
Are You Alone?
For those who don’t read these posts often I’ve spoken to a lot of shy people. Not only do I run several websites on shyness and coach people through overcoming it but I’ve also overcome it myself. And the most common thing I’ve heard people say to me is that I don’t understand what they’re going through or nobody has the same thing they do.
They all thought they had some kind of extreme shyness which they just couldn’t get over. They couldn’t do anything with it and they were doomed just to sit out on the sidelines for the rest of their life watching others enjoy theirs.
Luckily they thought wrong.
One of my favorite lines (and if you do read my other articles on overcoming shyness you’ll see it often) is that social skills are skills just like any others. They need to be worked on and while some people are indeed born with a genetic predisposition to being shy I’ve yet to see anyone who actually couldn’t work to overcome their shyness.
There’s no magic pill for this. I’ve seen some stupid ass medication for shyness and all that rubbish floating around but really all you need is the right techniques and a willingness to change. Now the technique part is easy – take a look at our social academy training. The willingness to change you’ve already demonstrated to yourself by finding your way to this site and reading this far.
You know there’s something wrong and it needs changed and your next steps are pretty important.
First of all you need to believe me there’s no such thing as extreme shyness. You don’t require anything special and the same techniques I’ve been using with thousands of other people will work with you as well.
Then you need to strike when the iron is hot. Don’t make excuses to avoid making the changes now, don’t tell yourself you’ll do it later or bookmark this page for the “to do” list. Get it done. Our nature and our instinct will make us lazy, it will tell us to stay the same and change nothing. But you need to use the motivation you have at the moment to get you started.
Once you have that starting point remaining motivated is easy. As your social skills and social circle grows you can use that success to motivate yourself to go even further but sometimes the hardest part in overcoming your shyness is just getting started.