Why Shyness Quotes Don’t Work
One of the main things people ask me for when they start getting advice on being more confident or overcoming shyness is a list of self confidence quotes. One guy even installed an app on his phone which would wake him up in the morning with some self confidence quote to start his morning. I took his phone and deleted the app.
For the love of god stop.
I know most people are going to see this page and immediately leave looking for their little dose of magic feel goods which will convince themselves they’re actually doing something about their shyness. So look I even made a picture with some messy looking writing:
I don’t know why all these shyness and motivational quotes have to have messy looking writing but there we go.
Right if you’re still here then I’m going to assume you have an attention span longer than a goldfish. Which is a good start. Because my name is Chris and the site you’ve found your way to is about learning how to beat and overcome shyness. We don’t deal in little motivational quotes and little moments of feeling good for one reason.
Because it doesn’t just do nothing. It makes the worse.
Shyness is a learned behavior. It’s not who you are. It’s not genetic. It’s simple psychology and it’s simple to beat.
But it does get worse over time. And the time you’re spending looking at quotes and ignoring the actual problem is time where your shyness is getting worse and you’re going to look back in a year or two and wish you’d done something more meaningful about it.
Now I don’t want to step on anyone’s feelings here. I’m sure there’s some people selling books (and apps apparently) with these quotes about shyness and self confidence which are going to change your life or whatever nonsense. Forget it. Self confidence quotes don’t work. Or at least, they don’t work the way people think they do. Actually on second thoughts I don’t mind stepping on toes. These people are peddling snake oil.
People see them as a ‘one stop solution’ to learning how to be confident or overcoming shyness. Actually people use these quote cards for anything and it’s because they make them feel better. If I’m feeling bad in the morning and I read a motivational quote I might well feel more motivated. I won’t be shy for the rest of the day… right?
Wrong. But is reading a quote really going to make you feel more confident or less shy? Of course not. If you’re really honest with yourself (and I mean really honest) you know this is true. Don’t dust off the past with nostalgia and remove the ugly part to suit your needs for today. It’s going to make you feel better for half an hour until you find yourself in a social situation. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with you being happy for half an hour. But if you really want to learn how to overcome shyness and improve your self confidence then you need to follow the proper techniques.
Now whether you follow the things I suggest or someone else (preferably at least someone who knows what they’re talking about) do something. Don’t just cheer yourself up in the morning with some useless platitudes. You want to get to the point where you don’t need this kind of thing in the morning. You want to get to the point where you’re the one writing the shyness quotes for other people. At least that way I know who to slap on the back of the head.
In general I think shyness quotes are just used as a scapegoat. When you worry about being shy or lacking self confidence then you read something like this and make yourself feel better. What good is that to you? Now I’m a big fan of being happy – but I mean proper long-term happiness and not just masking the problem with a ‘feel good’ quote.
So I don’t like people relying on these quotes but they’re not completely without merit.
When to Use Shyness Quotes
When I’m talking to people about how to overcome shyness I always have that one piece of bad news for them. The thing that nobody wants to hear but it’s an unfortunate truth. You don’t make personal changes like this overnight. You don’t just read a book and wake up the next morning not shy and more confident. These things take time and are a gradual improvement.
Now, personally I’m happy to say that very, very few of the people I work with quit. Some find it harder than others but if you really want to make a change in your life then you find the motivation. I’m amazed frequently at the resolve people find and where they get their motivation from but whatever works. And this is one of the few cases where I think motivational quotes can actually be useful. Sure, there’s better ways to keep yourself motivated but as long as you can stick with the training and make the changes you want then even I don’t mind using a few platitudes from time to time.
Getting Shyness Quotes
Now, personally I’d suggest using something more personal. Rather than rattling off a few quotes I like the idea of a motivational board. Now there are (I have to admit) some pretty good ones over here. But rather than getting something generic and using them each morning I prefer to use something which appeals to me and having it somewhere where I’ll see it.
Now this can be as easy as putting an image as your background on your computer or phone. It can be a text you send yourself and look at from time to time. It can be scribbled on the back of a scrap of paper or a full blown motivational poster on your wall. Some people make a ‘motivational board’ which basically has all of the things you want when you reach your goal.
So, for example, when you overcome shyness and improve your self confidence you might want to travel and meet people. So you could have photos of that kind of thing on your board. Or whatever you want – that’s the point it’s meant to motivate you. So think about what you want, what you’ll get from reaching your goals and have it somewhere you’ll see. Every time you’re thinking of quitting you look at this board and realize that the temporary sacrifice and hard work will be worth it.
The real use for shyness quotes? Not for making you feel good in the morning – but for getting you to kick yourself in the butt and make it happen. If you’re looking for solid daily advice have a look at our shyness training. Or do anything really but for your sake and my sanity don’t just get a few shyness quotes to make yourself feel better. Do something about it.